Wednesday, December 06, 2006

Top Ten Bible Verses You'll Never Hear in Church

  1. 2 Kings 2:23-24 NKJV
    Then he went up from there to Bethel; and as he was going up the road, some youths came from the city and mocked him, and said to him, “Go up, you baldhead! Go up, you baldhead!” So he turned around and looked at them, and pronounced a curse on them in the name of the LORD. And two female bears came out of the woods and mauled forty-two of the youths.
  2. Deuteronomy 23:1 ESV
    No one whose testicles are crushed or whose male organ is cut off shall enter the assembly of the Lord.
  3. Ezekiel 23:19-20 NET
    Yet she increased her prostitution, remembering the days of her youth when she engaged in prostitution in the land of Egypt. She lusted after their genitals – as large as those of donkeys, and their seminal emission was as strong as that of stallions.


The funny thing about church is that even after years and year of attending you often end up hearing about the same ten or fifteen stories, only with a new twist on them each time. Or better yet the preacher has his own moral lesson he wants to teach and while he does it picks out individual lines here and there from the Bible. So you end up walking away with this idea that the Bible is mostly stories of "God's" love and how to be a good moral person.

Well that's because if anything other than those handful of cherry-picked stories were peached and the rest of the stories in the Bible were taught in their entirety, people would go, "Are these people insane?" and immediately walk out of the building.

Anyways, click "Read More" to see the entire list. It's pretty damn funny -- well until you realize people actually believe this stuff.


Read More...

59 comments:

Jeff Weiss said...

What's scary is that so many people believe the Bible is the holy word of God but have never bothered to read it. They just trust Mr. Church man to give them the gist of it.

Anonymous said...

http://blog.au.org/2006/12/falwells_flub_j.html

Logos said...

Perhaps you should do more research before you publish an article of this kind. These verses are taken completely out of context and therefore don't represent their true meaning. If you take one line out of a book, alone it means nothing, you need the context to understand it. This verse from Dueteronomy is refering to the old coventant with God's people when they worshiped in the temple and the taberanacle. This does not refer to the "house of the Lord" we today call the church. And if you are wondering why we have something that doesn't seem to apply to our whole faith, read 2 Timothy 3:12-17. How can you know the WHOLE story if you don't know how it began?

Nikki said...

Exactly. Do try to read the whole thing. These verses have a reason that they are there and it can be found by reading more. As for the gifts, understand that this culture was entirely different from anything we have here. Symbols were different and very important to these people

MJP said...

I've personally heard that passage from 2 Kings in church several times. Try GOING to church, and then write about what you'll never hear in church.

Anonymous said...

How about adding these 2?

“Whose adorning let it not be that outward adorning of plaiting the hair, and of wearing of gold, or of putting on of apparel…” (1 Pet 3:3)

“In like manner also, that women adorn themselves in modest apparel, with shamefacedness and sobriety; not with broided hair, or gold, or pearls, or costly array…” (1 Tim 2:9)


Jewelry bad....

Anonymous said...

"Well that's because if anything other than those handful of cherry-picked stories were peached and the rest of the stories in the Bible were taught in their entirety, people would go, "Are these people insane?" and immediately walk out of the building."

I would have to say your verses are rather cherry picked as well.

You people are right.
No one, Christian or Atheist, really READS the Bible as they should.

Donny said...

These versus are avoided by Liberals and progressives.

Orthodox Christians know who and what they are pointing out. Namely the behaviors of Liberals and Christians.

Anonymous said...

But isn't that exactly what you're doing also? You're just cherry picking out verses here and there, and completely avoid the contextual background of the verses you have selected.

Yeah... and after writing this I just read the comment that said the exact same thing I did.

Forget the church, forget the idea of christianity.. I encourage you to read a different version other than the KJV with an open mind rather than a critical attitude.. and you'll actually be surprised that it will challenge your current view on this stuff...

Anonymous said...

I'm sick of atheists and people taking everything out of context. Obviously they have no lives. I truly to feel bad for you guys who sit and write crap that you just dont understand. You know why they don't believe in God? Because they're scared they don't want to answer to a higher Being they want to be right. They dont want to have to answer for what they did wrong. And atheists always say we're close minded but i think they are the ones who are. I have atheists friends and non-christian friends and i like them cuz they aren't ignorant. It's the ignorant ones i don't like who think they know everything but in reality they no NOTHING.

Anonymous said...

p.s. if us christians are wrong we have NOTHING to lose we just die and we're dead and its over. If atheists are wrong you have EVERYTHING to lose. Your soul goes to Hell. Just think about. I do care what happens to you atheists and people i just don't like when are ignorant about your beliefs.

Anonymous said...

I'd like to thank you for pointing these out and not offering any attempt at an explanation you didn't put them there, you merely pointed them out. They are in the bible and this book is used as a moral code and it is even shown to children. Is this really the sort of thing that is appropriate to teach grown ups let alone our children? I find the comments from christians accusing you of taking quotes out of context. Diud the bears kill the children as a result of a curse in the name of the lord? What possible context makes killing kids alright? I am not mocking I would really like to know.
Most Christians that I know rely more on blind faith than risk challenging knowledge or understanding and it would be great to hear from someone who has both faith and understanding.

Anonymous said...

I don't mind when atheists have questions about the bible. When they are being respectful. My atheist friend always has many questions and i answer them. We have very respectful conversations about christianity and atheism. I would gladly answer any questions you have about the bible verses. But first try reading the bible looking those verses up and reading what the WHOLE thing has to say. (:

Anonymous said...

genious back in thos times women with braided hair and who wore things like that were prostitutes. if you attempted to read the bible then you wouldnt try to find "funny" verses that you can take out of context.

Smart Christian said...

From the comments im hearing from the vast majority of the christian posting, I guess the whole love your neighbor as yourself thing has just been thrown out. I mean, hey, the bible says shellfish is an abomination, and that you can sell your daughter into slavery. Oh, and if your brother dies without a son its your duty to have sex with his wife. Man, i hope my brother marries a hottie...

It seems to me that all yall just pick and choose. so why not pick love instead of hate?

bookworm2000 said...

Hey, I am a Christian, BUT what you are saying is TRUE...some of the stuff put in the bible is actually morally wrong and some of the stuff in the bible is morally right. Whatever is in your heart, you can find it. If your heart is evil, then you can find condoned evil in the bible, if your heart is good, then you can find condoned good in the bible. One thing is true and confirmed by science...millions of people have had near-death experiences, and millions tell of going to heavenly or hellish realms after death...the bible speaks of this...so if i were you, i would try to find the truth and light and love written about in the bible, and forget everything else written in there that is morally wrong...and then i would ask Jesus to save me and live my life to the best of my ability in love and peace and service towards others...Love is the answer, not criticizing each other...weather your an atheist, jew, muslim or a christian, it means nothing, you still have to have the same love Jesus had to enter into heaven...stop fighting each other....love one another....rely on the grace of God through Jesus Christ for spiritual strength greater than your own....and make it to heaven...Amen

Anonymous said...

dude the BIBLE is screwed up and should be in the fiction section of the library.

BIBLE thumpers!

OregonJeff said...

@bookworm2000: First, if your bible contains condoned evil (whether I'm looking for it or not), then it can't possible be divinely inspired by a loving god. The book is either infallible (already proven otherwise) and divinely inspired or it's fallible (the harsh reality) and authored purely by man.

Second, I've yet to ever find any scientific proof for near-death experiences. Perhaps you have some links that back up your claims (hopefully in the millions). I also hope that "science" isn't a codeword for anecdote.

Anonymous said...

I LOVE when people say that atheists attack the Bible by pulling things out of context and that atheists need to read the ENTIRE book. I love it because, having read the ENTIRE book numerous times, I can honestly say that it only gets more insane the more you read it. It's like a more violent Harry Potter book than a moral compass. It has talking snakes, people living for hundreds of years, death as a penalty for, literally, hundreds of crimes that NO ONE today would punish with death, it labels eating shellfish as an abomination, tells us to stone witches and wizards to death, gives the ten most important laws in the universe without mentioning rape, slavery, or child abuse, provides clear outlines on how to buy and sell slaves, and gives the biography of, supposedly, the most important person in world history--Jesus Christ--without describing a majority of his childhood, by including stories of his miracles--but we're supposed to stone wizards to death(?), without so much as recording the actual date of his birth, and all written thirty to forty years after his death by a series of men who never met him but were still somehow able to record EXACT quotations. Reading the Bible in totality, makes it harder--NOT easier--to accept as fact.

bookworm2000 said...

Jesus IS the only way to heaven. In Fact try this on anyone who is demon possessed, name ever other name and NOTHING happens, but when you name Jesus Christ the devil will leave the person being possessed. Power of Jesus is real and confirmed by millions around the world. Trust in Jesus to forgive you of your sins.

Jeff said...

@bookworm2000: First, there is no heaven. There is only decomposition.

Second, I don't believe in demons. I do believe in psychosis. I also believe in attention-getting. If the individual is suffering from a psychosis and already has an unchecked religious infliction/intoxication, of course they'll respond "positively" to someone saying "Jesus Christ". Now, the 'ol JC doesn't actually go by that name, that's merely a modern-day fabrication of his Hebrew name which you likely a) don't know, b) wouldn't have a clue how to pronounce correct, and c) were you to say it wouldn't get a response from the "demon-possessed" individual because they wouldn't have a clue what you're talking about.

The power of the 'ol JC is not real and has not been confirmed except anecdotally (which proves nothing). Where are the links to these scientific studies you keep talking about that I asked for last time you posted?

bookworm2000 said...

As asked Verified Scientific Evidence for Survival Of consciousness after death
Visit this link: www.near-death.com/evidence.html

This conscious part of you can inhabit hellish realms upon leaving your body
This conscious part of you can inhabit heavenly realms upon leaving your body

Jeff said...

@bookworm2000: Clearly you're unable to read and/or comprehend. I asked for scientific evidence, not anecdotal evidence. From the very page you referenced:

"A scientifically controlled NDE that can be repeated which provides such evidence would be the scientific discovery of all time. However, science does not yet have the exact tools to accomplish this."

I firmly believe that all that have a near death experience that involves heaven or hell has more to do with their religious intoxication/befuddlement than with those places actually existing. Show me someone that doesn't believe in heaven or hell but thinks that's what they saw during their near death experience and I might be more convinced.

bookworm2000 said...

http://www.near-death.com/atheists.html

Notable and Famous Atheist who had out of body experiences of heaven and hell

Howard Storm
Doug Roosevelt
Don Brubaker
Joel
Carl Jung
Thomas Sawyer
Dannion Brinkley
Ned Dougherty
George Rodonaia
Arthur Yensen
Beverly Brodsky
Louis Famoso
Karl Jensen
Joni Maggi
Kerry Kirk

Anonymous said...

Everone who believes in Jesus is blinded by faith.
People thinking with a primitive mind. How am I to stone
wizards but not Jesus is his miricles not magic

lc95 said...

about the person way up there that said no one Christian or atheist reads the bible like they should, that is not true because i read a chapter out of the bible in the morning from my quiet time book and then i get an email from Christ Notes everyday that i read and a weekly wisdom thing. so you cannot say that nobody reads the bible like they should. i know about a handful of people that read the bible like they should. They, obviously, are Christian. And about these verses that you have up here, they are taken completely out of Context and if you would continue to read through the bible instead of just stopping when the verses get scary, you might realize that Jesus actually does love you and he wants you to go to Heaven. He died for a reason, so your sins could be forgiven and you could have eternal life in Heaven. Luke 23:34, it was when Jesus was crucified, says "Jesus said, "Father, forgive them, for they do not know what they are doing."" Now before you go posting scary bible verses on a bogus page, why don't you actually , uh-oh , THINK ! and read the rest.

Brent Yarbrough said...

Then there are people like me who actually read it and see how it all fits without saying it contradicts. I believe it. This book gives me more strength than the world ever has. It has taught me how to love others by denying my selfish desires. I've realized that with SELF is where all problems exist. If we submit our lives to the truth then we live unburdened. If you don't care about yourself at all but still choose to care more about others then you will live. I do care about my soul because it is the life God has given me. This body is His temple. This is my opinion. Take it or leave. I am not the judge.

Anonymous said...

all you christians talk about these verses being taken out of context when that is what your religion is based on, taking the words of the bible out of context. king james made it say what he wanted it to say to control the simple minded that you all are.

Anonymous said...

It's true there are negative and horrible sounding bible versed in the bible. Don't let these negative bible verses cause you to dismiss the real power of God that's at work in millions of peoples lives. Its obvious that God of Heaven does exist and has blessed key passages of the bible. And when these key passages are followed, you will experience the power behind those passages. Passage 1: There is no other name where by men must be saved then at the name of Jesus. Millions have called on Jesus to save them from there sins and were saved. Repent and be saved. You need the power of Jesus Christ to break the power of sin in your life.

Anonymous said...

ok look here we have to many wars in GODS name and u religous nuts are brain washing to may ppl so STFU and keep ur insane self were u belong in a mental hospital if i was going aroud telling everone that i was being watched and that person knew what i did and said each day u ppl would lock me up further more the reason religion is out there because u religous nuts wont understand the concept of life and stop controlling the earth with it SO DO US ALL A FAVOR AND STFU WE DONT CARE ITS FAKE FAKE FAKE

Alec said...

The main problem when someone says that Wars ae in gods name, Which god are you pertaining to?
the God of the Bible? All of the so called wars were out of defense, land taken from the promise that God game to Abram (Abraham).
the main issue is with the verses that are quoted above. The Ezekiel 23 passages are passages that are part metaphor and the story of two harlots. Do you actually think that the stuff on the porn sites on the internet are NEW and hasn't been done before? God frowns on this behavior and wants your body to not be used in that type of relationship. ie prostitution. God wants your body to be clean and to use sex as a gratification between a life partner and not the entire football team.
the story in 2Kings about Elisha, the thing that people overlook is that it was a gang of 42 (more like a mob of atheists) that were mocking him and his quest as well as the faith that he had in Jehovah. so it is not impossible to think that a person that is being targeted by the Crips or Bloods to want to have a family of bears come to their rescue.

Now the famous one of the Eunuchs. These were men that had vowed their lives to protect the rites of the pagans. the Law is a bit different than the saving grace of God. Jesus hadn't come to pay the price for our sins at that time and the Eunuchs -
We ought to value the privileges of God's people, both for ourselves and for our children, above all other advantages. No personal blemishes, no crimes of our forefathers, no difference of nation, shuts us out under the Christian dispensation. But an unsound heart will deprive us of blessings; and a bad example, or an unsuitable marriage, may shut our children from them.

To truly understand the falsehoods that have been spewed on this blog you should try reading the entire law and the set up on how it ties to the promise that God gave to Abraham before commenting on the so-called wackiness that it sounds like.

God bless you and keep you.

Anonymous said...

In response to 2Kings about Elisha, I think the real problem that no one is addressing is all the erroneous details. Who took the time to count and see that it was a mob of 42. And who checked the sex of the bears to see they were both female. Whether you believe the Bible or not, you must admit that there are many instances within the text that details are added in an attempt to authenticate a story, however, the added details only undermine the story's plausibility. The truth is, if 42 people where being torn apart by bears right in front of your face, it would be a pretty gory sight--one you wouldn't want to stick around for--much less get close enough to in order to examine the bears' genitalia.

Anonymous said...

This site is bullcrap. The Bible is GODS word, not yours... GODS.

Oregon Jeff said...

@Anonymous Coward: No, the bible is man's word. Keep your delusions to yourself.

Sylvester said...

Be not rash with your mouth, nor let your heart be hasty to utter a word before God, for God is in heaven and you are on earth. Therefore let your words be few.

Anonymous said...

the NKJV of 2 Kings 2:23-24 is not translated correctly they were not children they were young men and they're were many of them, they were threatening him, it was like a present day gang, they were not Innocent children- For more details read The Case for Faith, by Lee Strobel.

Oregon Jeff said...

Lee Strobel doesn't operate out of the desire to use actual evidence for his case. Whether or not these "children" were actually small children (as some translations indicate and not just NKJV) or older youth is irrelevant. Their behavior didn't warrant what was done to them in the name of man or in the name of some angry, abusive, vengeful, mythical sky daddy.

Unknown said...

I give up, you can't convince people who Don't believe in God to believe in God. People will believe what they want to believe. If your an athiest you will believe that all the amzaing design in the universe, and the staggering complexity of the human cell, the DNA molecule, ect... all that staggering complex design came about by complete chance. Even though our most brilliant scientist cannot design any piece of microscopic machinary as advanced as the cell. Yet when confronted with tremendous evidence of intelligent design in nature, some people make a concious choice not to accept the fact that God or and intilligent creator exists. So to you I say this: God sent not His Son into the World to condemn the World, but that the World through Him, might be saved. Jesus Said, I am the True Light that Lighteth Every man that commeth into the World....This means that even if you don't believe, or wont believe, Jesus will still some how some way reveal Himself to you, and you will know His love, His life changing power, and His grace. Amen

Anonymous said...

There are those of us who are in between. I believe that there is a higher power but I do not believe the bible, nor any religious book for that matter. Because of who I am and the way I think, I can't bring myself to trust in others to tell me what I should believe. Mankind is far too flawed. All religious books are written by man. You may believe that god intervened during their writings so that it was pure, but I can't come to the same conclusion. The idea that someone who lives the best life they can and helps people as much as possible, would burn in hell because he didn't accept Jesus or believe in god is completely insane to me. If I were god, I would just want my people to love each other and be the best they can be, and no matter what, I'd have their back. Just be a good person. Love people to the best of your ability, and love yourself. Living like that, you can't go wrong. I grew up southern baptist, switched to non denomination, then eventually abandoned organized religion all together.... And since then I have felt more connected with nature and the higher power I believe in than ever before. I don't know what happens when people die, I don't know what's gonna happen when I die. But I'm ok with that. It humbles me to admit I don't have all the answers and it's a relief to no longer belong to a religion that claims I'd burn in hell for that. Thanks for listening. - Brittany.

Anonymous said...

I will laugh at the people who believe in every word of the bible when it was just documents found and assembled and put together by people like me and you get strikes down by you so called god unable to acknowledge the truth that we all die and forgotten on our small speck of sand in a dessert.

Anonymous said...

For us atheists, no worries, lol, there are many passages in the Bible that refer to the "wicked" being destroyed/perishing/ having our souls die in the end times. Quite literally "ceasing to exist", which is what we believe anyway. Some parts of the Bible actually support our beliefs. So live as an animal and die like an animal (ecclesiastes 3 20-22). No gods, no masters.
Ave Satanas
Hail Satan

Anonymous said...

Also wanted to mention that when Christians come across absurd Bible passages that they don't like, they feel that they are authorized to label them "metaphors", or say "that was good for them at the time, but times have changed." I agree wholeheartedly, the Bible is a complete metaphorical book, and christianity (in its entirety) was good for them at that time, but times have changed and christianity has expired. See, we at least agree on those 2 things.

Anonymous said...

That is the dumbest thing i have ever hearf in my entire life. So should I just blindly follow every single religion in the world just in case I have to get in to their heaven when i die? So fucking stupid. The fact is that when you die you will have wasted your life sucking up to an invisible man. Fuck you and your dumb ass rationing!

Anonymous said...

So you don't give two shits if I go to hell? Wow what a "Christian" thing to say. You know I used to be Christian and from my perspective, it is mostly about the idea of kindness and forgiveness, things you lack. I'm fucking fed up with you hippy dippy kids running around claiming you are a Christian but apparently you all are simply following Christianity because you are scared of what will happen when you die... Guess what... Nothing happens you just fucking die

Anonymous said...

First off, http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/10132762 That was a lil less than two years before you posted this.... so... yeah.

Also, *conscious, from the root word conSCIENCE.

Finally, God may very well be real, although he is known by many names, such as Jaweh, Allah, Jehovah, and Science.

Science, my God. The world, my country. Get out of your box before you suffocate.

Anonymous said...

Nothing is scary in the bible unless you don't think god will save you. All was intended for good R

Anonymous said...

That's kind of mean

Anonymous said...

So, simple question - why is your God the correct God, when in human history there have been over 2870 recorded "Gods"? Are you then saying the claims for the other thousands are made up? Then how do you really know yours is not made up too?

Anonymous said...

He didnt tell the whole story. The bald guy was ordained by god and he was doing Gods will when the children started mocking him and then what he said. Good is good and bad is bad child or not. He seeked revenge through God, thus the bears of death. Harsh i know.

whodafukareyou said...

I would not usually comment or subcribe to any blog. I think most who do are just trying to prove to themselves how clever they are when it is really just narcissicist. (please forgive my spelling as i went to public school. lol.
I have been increasingly interested in stuff like this several months. I have believed in God and Jesus my life, never went to church or read bible until now. I have a problem and looked for as much about how I could become atheist to Prove to myself there is no "sky daddy: someone said" cute. what I find is much the same everwhere, wackos on both sides and some well meaning people who, most of the time should shut up with lame comments on either side. I have one main comment and that is the Bible and all Religious books are falable. The bible is a scary and clearly not "the WORD of GOD" men...with an an agenda wrote this and much of it is total shit. It's true the more I read it the more disgusted i get. I am sucidial and wanted to stop thinking I will go to hell if I choose to die. After all I tried and watch both sides of the GOD subject make amazing points and total asses of their belief... I still Believe in God. I agree that WTF is he/she/it about. The fact is nobody has been dead, really dead long enough and come back to life to explain.
I do not understand "god" and all of you on both sides tell me one thing please?
WTF makes you think if there is GOD he owes anyone any explantion or proof or for that matter what makes you think you deserve to understand GOD at all? No person deserves anthing from GOD. If you think humans deserve proof please tell me why and what makes you so fukn important to take this position?

Anonymous said...

funny thing is, I've heard most of these verses in church. if you're going to read something out of context, of course it will sound ridiculous. seriously guys, let us not slander each other's faith in ignorance!

Dylan said...

Jesus.Christ... Let's do this for fun: Christianity has it hard enough already, but most atheists don't consider.Buddhism which doesn't believe in a higher diety. So the search doesn't end with deciding there's no God, and it totally depends on my Prozac whether or not I sense there may be a God- it literally relies on my brain chemistry. Without Prozac, there is no way to reconcile Reality, logic, and God, and with it, I seem to feel something. The same goes with Buddhism: interconnectedness of being One doesn't leave any room for Free Will or Karma in the sense that butterfly wings cause hurricanes on the other side of the globe- so we really have no control over our actions and neuroscience confirms that. Without an amphetamine I don't really have a "Sense of Self." So its like no religion really quite coincides? with reality as weexperience it. I consider myself an Atheistic Existential Zen Buddhist, Zen Buddhist for short... Just give me my Prozac ;)

Chris Matera said...

I read & study the Bible everyday. I do not trust Mr Church man nor does any true Christian I know. The Word of God is perfect in its prophecies & beautiful to my soul. Jesus of Nazerath is The Son of The Living God.

Anonymous said...

http://www.twainquotes.com/Bible.html

Anonymous said...

I'd just like to address all this hubbub about near-death experiences. These can be attributed to a chemical in the brain known as DMT. It's a real drug, too. It is manufactured and sold illegally for recreational use. It is released upon death, presumably to relieve the pain of death and soften the experience as the body gives out. As medicine has evolved, it has become increasingly easier to bring someone 'back' from death, if done soon enough. Allowing enough time for DMT to be released (or even without modern medicine depending on the deathly experience). A belief in such matters as Heaven and Hell, especially a deeply rooted one, would influence the visions you would see. Therefore, being a Christian close to death (or any other faith/non-faith) could quite possibly bring you to a new and enlightened mental perception as you began to pass on. But at the same time, the body is working to fix itself, and if it somehow can, this will stop. If unfamiliar with DMT, it's quite easy to associate this with a transcendental experience.

Anonymous said...

If those supporting the Bibloe have learned biblical lessons it's not apparent the tone of these comments. But maybe that's just me. There is a lot of dismissiveness and failure to respect in human interaction. I've ready the Tanak and New testament and Q'uran often with a very generous outlook, finding much of it detestable, the writing of retributive, sexist and racist, ill-willed authors. But it's got some beautiful ideas and ideals too, even a little wisdom worth drawing out. Rather than assessing it, good-willed people should sit down and write better versions, enphasizing the positive. it wouldn't be hard, and would do a lot of good.

Anonymous said...

I'll be praying for you

Anonymous said...

Um im sorry ive never met anyone who is "demon possesed"

Anonymous said...

I witness to everyone on this blog.On the authority of God's Word repent of your sins and trust Jesus Christ to wash you from your sins except his sacrifice and God will receive you unto himself when you're soul leave your body amen.